Archive for July, 2010

Plot of X-Files porn parody actually less-porny than last movie

Friday, July 30th, 2010

A pedophile priest helps Mulder and Scully find a mad scientist who intends to transplant a man’s head onto a woman’s body so he can finally have wild male/female-with-a-male’s-head sex with his male lover.


Set one year before the appearance of Lilith, Federal agents Dana Scully (Kimberly Kane) and Fox Mulder (Anthony Rosano) are sent to unravel a mystifying series of murders. Their investigation leads them to Eastern Virginia, where they find several locals who seem to have been “infected”. Mulder believes the cause of these infections to be none other than “The Black Oil.” Scully and Mulder must search for answers that will ultimately defy the boundaries of science, the paranormal, and the dreadful spaces in between!


One of these is the plot for that last X-Files movie, The X-Files: I Want to Believe, the other is the plot of the newest X-Files porn parody, The Sex Files 2: A Dark XXX Parody (link NSFW). If you saw I Want to Believe you know Mulder and Scully are sleeping together. I wonder if there will be a similar revelation in the parody. I guess we’ll just have to wait until “a guy we know” sees the movie to find out.

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Lego train destruction

Thursday, July 29th, 2010

You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

It’s true of superheroes and it’s true of Lego builders. The day after your 12th birthday you are a god of Lego. You watch over your newly constructed world and nod in approval. You have built the skyscrapers and the cars and the starships. You command their every movement. But sooner or later it will dawn on you: Now is the time for destruction. And nothing is more glorious then the triple head-on collision of a high speed Eurostar bullet train, a 9-volt ICE train, and a chugging-along Christmas train.

Experts say serial killers start out with little animals, well, supervillains have to start somewhere too. Here’s 5 more videos that prove evil madmen love Lego trainsets:

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Scientists: There are one hundred million small, Earth-like planets in the Milky Way alone

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

A co-investigarore on the Kepler satellite insitute surprised NASA this month with a major, unplanned announcement on data from the Kepler satellite. Eight minutes in to a speech at the TED global conference in Oxford, Sassanov announced that researchers believe the galaxy likely holds about 100 million “small, Earth-like planets,” and have actually identified over 100 of those planets.

Of course, “small, Earth-like” planet doesn’t mean the same thing as “small, life-supporting” planet. Sasselov’s speech created a fair bit of confusion, and numerous articles implied that the Kepler scientists had already found found 100s of “earths.” The confusion likely arose because the reporters did not listen to the entire speech, or even very much past the initial announcement. Sasselov made quite clear that the 100 or so planets the team had already identified, and the 100 million or so it estimated existed in the galaxy, need further study. Thankfully, was there to correct the sloppy journalism:

With further observation, half of them could well turn out to be false alarms. Many could also be Earth-like in size but orbiting so close to their stars that nothing but their size would be Earth-like. Sasselov said that astronomers will be able to identify at least 60 Earth-like planets. So the unauthorized presentation of preliminary results would seem to confirm that Kepler has succeeded in showing that Earth is no fluke.

Still, it’s an exciting announcement. One hundred million is a damn big number, and there’s a good chance a large number of them could support life. In fact, Sasselov, the director of Harvard’s Origins of Life Initiative, isn’t just looking for Earth-like planets. He and his team are also looking at how life begins (I guess the initiative’s name could tip you off). “Science is in the process of redefining life as we know it,” Sasselov says.

“And in one of our labs, Jack Szostak’s labs, it was a series of experiments in the last four years that showed that the environments–which are very common on planets, on certain types of planets like the Earth–where you have some liquid water and some clays, you actually end up with naturally available molecules which spontaneously form bubbles. But those bubbles have membranes very similar to the membrane of every cell of every living thing on Earth. . . . And they really help molecules, like nucleic acids, like RNA and DNA, stay inside, develop, change, divide and do some of the processes that we call life.”

“There is immense potential for life in this universe,” he added later, “especially now that we know that places like the earth are common. And that potential, that powerful potential is also ours, of you and me.”

Watch the full speech here.

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DC Universe Online MMORG

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

The only negative aspect of this DC Universe Online MMORG video is that it ends. But I guess that’s the point.

The video sets-up Brainiac as the nemesis of all humanity. Currently all the characters are labeled as hero or villain, but by establishing an outside threat the game’s developers might be opening the door for crossover match-ups. And with the huge list of characters announced this could really increase the gameplay. You want to play as Wonder Woman, but your friend wants to play as Harley Quinn? If there’s a common enemy a team-up might not be out of the question.

The game is slated for a November 2010 release on the Playstation and PC.

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‘Inception’ Explained (spoiler alert)

Monday, July 26th, 2010

If you’re like me, you are still wrapping your head around “Inception,” the dream defying flick from Christopher Nolan. Here are some questions I’m mulling over:

  • Is Mal really just a part of Cobb’s subconscious or was she performing inception on him all along?
  • How does Cobb end up face down on the beach near the end of the film?
  • What was the Professor (Michael Caine) doing the entire time Cobb and his crew were in the dream?
  • What’s the deal with Cobb’s disappearing wedding ring?

I don’t have the answers. But I do have this neat “Inception” infographic by dehahs.

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Ryan Reynolds recites Green Lantern oath

Monday, July 26th, 2010

I’ve never been a huge Green Lantern fan. I’m sure I’ll see it, it’s just not at the top of my list. But, apparently, when a young boy at Comic-Con challenged the film’s star, Ryan Reynolds, to recite Green Lantern’s oath, the actor nailed it. The video is actually pretty awesome. Maybe I’ll have to move the film up on my list of films I have to see.

The film comes out in 2011 and it is being directed by Martin Campbell, who gave us the James Bond re-boot Casino Royale. Peter Sarsgaard is in the film, along with Tim Robbins. Oh and … uh-hum … Blake Lively.

Here’s Green Lantern’s (Hal Jordon-era) oath for anybody who is interested:

In brightest day, in blackest night
No evil shall escape my sight
Let those who worship evil’s might
Beware my power, Green Lantern’s light!

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IPhone 4 video test

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

A few days ago I visited the Onondaga Lake Skate Park in Liverpool, N.Y., to research a skateboard story for the local newspaper. Most of the skaters there were around 12-years-old. Some had braces, all of them had scars.

I spent a couple hours chatting with some local skateboarders and shooting some video with my new iPhone 4.

The entire experience was sublime. The iPhone 4’s HD video capture is scarily easy to use. All I had to do was select the “Camera” icon, switch to video mode and turn the unit sideways.

My friend Brandon landed some sick tricks as I followed him around. Transworld’s “Chomp on this'” was my source of inspiration. Like a cowboy after a successful duel, I twirled the iPhone around between my fingers and stuffed it into my pocket.

I had shot 25 movie clips. In the end, after using the phone non-stop for more than 12 hours, I still had 60 percent of my battery left.

I used Windows Movie Maker to edit the clips. Check out the finished product above.

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The worst music video ever-California Gurls

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

There probably was something in Katy Perry’s bottled water when she made this syrupy-sweet California Gurls video.

Candyland was great at 6, but moving there in your 20’s, living on a gameboard, romping with your cotton candy-haired friends and spuing whipped cream from your bikini top could get old really fast.  Even if Snoop Dogg is there.

I don’t want to be a California Gurl. 

 Katy Perry’s California Gurls is the worst music video ever.

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Ron Livingston performs Keyboard Cat

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

Ron Livingston stars as Keyboard Cat in this excellent video homage. That is all.

Why? The Internets. That’s why.

Now to make this blog post a little more robust, here’s the original Keyboard Cat and one of the greatest movie montages in the last ten years:

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Where you should go at ComicCon quiz

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

ComicCon is halfway done and maybe you don’t know what to do today. Since our friends at io9 already made a ComicCon flowchart, we at Handshake decided a quiz would be the next logical step…well maybe just a next step for deciding where to go in the biggest geek pilgrimage of the year!

So here it is. Go for it! Oh, and don’t worry about getting anything right or wrong: No matter how specific your interests, all of our suggestions will become clear at the end.

So you've had your breakfast sandwich. Where to first?

It's 12:45. Who will save the (mid)day?

How did you get to ComicCon?

So the Adult Swim panel, Max Brooks' famous zombie survival speech and Mike Mignola are all happening at the same time (starting at 5 p.m. and 5:30 p.m. today). Which one will you go to?

How do you want to round out your day?

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