Posts by Mary Murphy
Even die-hard tennis fans (do those exist?) grew a little weary watching this week’s record-breaking tennis match between John Isner of the U.S. and Nicolas Mahut of France.
After 11 hours and five minutes, Isner finally brought home the win late Thursday night, along with blistered pinky toes, a sore shoulder, and some sizeable pit stains.
Despite the happy ending, Isner’s borderline-eternal match got us thinking about other stuff that should have ended sooner.
The Smurfs have always been on our shit list.
For one, they’re communists. Everybody has their own little role in Smurf society and receives food, shelter, and clothing without exchanging any money? Come on. We know what’s up.
Second, they need to expand their vocabulary. The word “smurf” is a noun, a verb, and an adjective, yet it basically means nothing. You’re having a “smurftastic” day, Smurfette? Papa Smurf is feeling “smurfy”? Those two statements could not have conveyed any less information.
At the risk of sounding like senior citizens, we just can’t believe what the kids are into these days.
The New York Times recently published an article about “icing,” a bizarre version of tag that involves the rapid chugging of lukewarm Smirnoff Ice.
Last month, Fox News covered “vodka eyeballing,” an inane practice that’s just as troubling as it sounds.
The much-hyped Karate Kid remake starring Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan hits theaters today. Although the mini-Fresh Prince is super cute, and Chan is good at kung fu or whatever, we’re still skeptical that anything can recreate the magic of 1984 original. Sorry to say it, but without the following ingredients, the new Karate Kid is destined for the Land of Failed Remakes: