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Dystopian video death match to the death

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Everybody knows the doomsday nightmare apocalypse is still at least a few years from becoming a full-blown reality, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get a sneak peek at our terrible end-of-the-world, people-eating-people, countries-falling-apart, no-Internet future. Handshake decided to put 5 real world videos up against 5 of their cinematic counterparts.

Horrible, post-apocalyptian dystopia preview: Woo-hoo.


Empty Brazil vs. I Am Legend

The entire city is infected with a strange virus that makes people huddle together and perform strange chants during the middle of the day and only stumble about at night. In I Am Legend Will Smith runs around the empty streets yanking pseudo-vampires our of their homes and testing new cures on them. But does he ever take the time to consider that these people might just be infected with World Cup Fever? Nope. Maybe everybody’s just inside trying to catch the game. Take a look at the pale, screaming, incoherent monsters once Smith catches them: typical U.S. soccer fans.

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YouTube Preview Image


G20 vs. Planet of the Apes

Sometimes to keep the peace you have to bash a human’s head in with a club. So it goes. Head bashing has been around since the dawn of time, but recently it seems it’s gotten a little revival. Riot cops around the world have decided to break out a bit of the old ultra-violence whenever possible. Now we’re not completely sure what these rioters in Canada want. Anti-globalization? Yeah, we prefer maps over globes too. But watching a video like this is good preparation for when the riots are over net-neutrality, freedom of speech, or the rising cost of breakfast tacos, because, let’s be honest, in the future it’s probably going to be us getting the violent baton massage.

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YouTube Preview Image


Black Friday vs. Dawn of the Dead

Apparently, a large chunk of the population wakes up at 5 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving, full of turkey and yams and mashed potatoes, and thinks to themselves, “Well, this would be a helluva day to be trampled to death in a fierce battle for a $100 Xbox.” I don’t know if these people are like zombies or if the zombies in the movies are like these people, but if one day I read “Black Friday mob eats Wal-mart employee’s brain” I wouldn’t be too surprised.

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YouTube Preview Image


Prypiat vs. Half-Life

Prypiat is a nice, Ukrainian city with quiet, wide streets where you can enjoy all the city’s benefits while getting a super-healthy dose of nearby Chernobyl’s nuclear fallout. There’s no transdimensional monsters flooding the streets of Prypiat in the video, but if I went there I’d be sure to bring along my trusty crowbar. Governments are always saying there’s no monsters attacking us through wormholes, but don’t you think that’s the first thing the government would say if there were transdimensional creatures hell-bent on destroying us? Isn’t the fact that they always say there’s no monsters actually proof that there probably are monsters?

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YouTube Preview Image


Waterloo vs. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

I haven’t spent much time in Waterloo. I know next to nothing about the city. But I have seen this entire video. Did you watch the whole video? Terrible. It’s like watching Faces of Death while a Nazi schoolteacher runs her fingernails over a chalkboard in a room that smells like rotting Spam. Again, I’m judging Waterloo simply by one drunken night I spent running through the city’s dive bars, this video, and some anecdotal stories that may not even have been about the city, but Waterloo definitely seems like that kind of city where your buddies pick you up for a night downtown at the Thunderdome and you watch Master Blaster bash in some guy’s head while a tranny Tina Turner officiates. No offense, good Waterlooians.

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YouTube Preview Image

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