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FMRI Fails At Destroying The Art Of Bullshitting

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Yesssss! We can still lie and get away with it.

Our fibbing days were this close to being almost over. Federal courts were about to allow new brain-scanning technology, effectively killing, in one fell swoop, the entire art of bullshitting.

Then, a savior put his foot down.

Judge Tu Pham ruled in a Tennessee court that functional magnetic resonance imaging (FMRI) was not scientifically established enough to be used as evidence in a fraud case. Phew. We thought we were actually going to have to start telling the truth.

Imagine a world without lies.

Here are five ways the world would be different if we could no longer lie.

1. Political campaigns would be so boring.How unbearable would this past presidential race have been without the investigation into Obama’s place of birth? Or Richard Blumenthal’s interesting interpretation of the word “I”.

2. Good luck telling your girlfriend’s mother you like her food. She’ll whip out her home MRI and you’ll be DONE.

3. No more telling your boss that traffic was the reason you were late for work, when the real reason was that you fell asleep on the toilet. Damn. That was our go-to excuse.

4. When your significant other asks if something makes them look fat, the truth will come out. We foresee a lot of breakups.

5. When a cop pulls you over and asks if you know how fast you were going, your answer will be far a more boring “Yes,” instead of the far superior: “No, sir. But I do have a Twinkie in my pocket. Would you like it?”

How would you get caught in a lie?

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