Four Things That Should Have Ended Sooner
Even die-hard tennis fans (do those exist?) grew a little weary watching this week’s record-breaking tennis match between John Isner of the U.S. and Nicolas Mahut of France.
After 11 hours and five minutes, Isner finally brought home the win late Thursday night, along with blistered pinky toes, a sore shoulder, and some sizeable pit stains.
Despite the happy ending, Isner’s borderline-eternal match got us thinking about other stuff that should have ended sooner.
1. Sting’s bedroom romps
In 1990, when Sting told a journalist that he and wife, Trudie Styler, enjoy “tantric sex sessions” that last for upwards of seven hours, the world responded with one, collective, finger-down-the-throat gagging motion. And whatever the gesture is for extreme chafing.
2. The Sex and the City franchise
It was cute, fun, and sexy for a while, but once Aidan was out of the picture and we started mistaking Samantha’s storylines for Boniva commercials, Carrie and the gang should’ve called it quits.
Sorry, ladies, but the thrill, like your ovarian function, is gone.
3. Brendan Fraser’s awkward clap at the 2010 Golden Globes
Yes, this moment of pure, unadulterated secondhand embarrassment clocks in at about 3 seconds, but that’s 2.9989 seconds too long.
Thanks to Brendan, we will think twice before clapping at plays, concerts, awards ceremonies, and sporting events ever again, just in case whatever poltergeist invaded his body and caused…that…to happen preys on us next.
4. The BP oil spill
It’s been 67 days. But never mind the 60,000 barrels of oil gushing into the Gulf each day, the 12,000 Louisiana residents left unemployed, the $20 billion required for cleanup, or the 400 wildlife species now facing extinction—Tony Hayward’s yachting trip was bloody ruined. Ruined!