Pop Cult

The Naked Cowboy Feels Threatened: Times Square Turf War

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You know that Naked Cowboy guy who hangs out in his tighty-whities in Times Square taking photos with tourists and singing for his supper? Well, apparently he guards his trademark like a mother falcon guards her fledgling chicks.

Robert Burck, better known as his licensed trademark “The Naked Cowboy,” is suing a woman who has been trolling around Times Square calling herself “The Naked Cowgirl” and selling photos to tourists for the past few years.

Sandy Kane received a cease-and-desist order from Burck, but she is refusing to adhere to the order. The 50-something ex-stripper and comic is standing up for herself and will now have to appear in court.

We at Handshake say, “Good for you, Sandy.”

This situation begs the question: in a fight to the death over the right to be a naked cowperson in Times Square, who would come out on top and who would end up a bloody pile of perverted Americana?

Size: The cowboy has a clear advantage in this department. In a pure brawn versus brawn showdown, he would pick the cowgirl up and snap her in half like balsa wood. Her only hope is that years of hard living have made her body so resistant to abuse that she will be able to endure the brutal beating and live to fight another day.

Smarts: We don’t expect to see either combatant’s name on a Harvard enrollment list anytime soon, but, what the cowgirl lacks in strength she makes up for in street smarts. This ex-stripper used to end her act by lighting her breasts on fire. We can only imagine the tales of debauchery that she has in the old memory banks, but we’re willing to bet that they rival those of Jerri Blank.

Public Support: You know where we here at Handshake stand. But, what do you think? In the Times Square turf battle, who would come out on top?

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