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Ozzy Osbourne Begins Career As Health Journalist

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Britain’s Sunday Times of London recently hired an unlikely new health columnnist, John Michael “Ozzy” Osbourne.

The 61-year-old rock legend claims that friends often come to him for medical advice.  He has, after all, survived decades of substance abuse, being hit by a plane, and a rare genetic condition similar to Parkinson’s. He’s also been committed to a mental asylum and claims to have spent more than a million pounds on doctors.

Osbourne no longer drinks, smokes, or does drugs in his post-rock days. He even eats a mostly vegetarian diet.

Osbourne hasn’t always been the ideal health role model, but says his experiences can still help others:

“I suppose when people hear stories like that, they might think I’m too much of a bad example to give advice. I wouldn’t argue with them — and I’d hate for anyone to think: ‘Oh, if Ozzy survived all that outrageous behaviour, so can I.’

But d’you know what? If people can learn from my stupid mistakes without having to repeat any of them; or if they can take some comfort from the crazy things my family has been through over the years; or if just hearing me talk about colonoscopies makes them less embarrassed about getting tested for colon cancer, that’s more than enough for me. Dr. Ozzy’s job will be done.

One last thing: being a hypochondriac, I’ll never tell someone to just stop worrying and/or come back later if their symptoms get worse. In Dr. Ozzy’s surgery, everything will get taken seriously.”

We hope that this year’s Ozzfest will be stocked full of dark, leafy green vegetables and water bottles.

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3 Responses to “Ozzy Osbourne Begins Career As Health Journalist”

  1. avatar Nick McCrea says:

    Prince of darkness –> Prince of healthcare?

  2. avatar Christy Perry says:

    Michelle — I saw this item and just shook my head. It would be an insult to health reporters everywhere if it weren’t for the fact he’s writing for the notoriously tabloidy British press :)

  3. avatar Michelle Bernard says:

    It’s true! At least it’ll be fun.